मेरा कुछ सामान...

मेरा कुछ सामान तुम्हारे पास पड़ा हैं
सावन के कुछ भीगे भीगे दिन रखे हैं
और मेरे एक ख़त में लिपटी रात पडी हैं
वो रात बुझा दो, मेरा वो सामान लौटा दो

पतझड़ हैं कुछ, हैं ना ...
पतझड़ में कुछ पत्तों के गिरने की आहट
कानों में एक बार पहन के लौटाई थी
पतझड़ की वो शांख अभी तक काँप रही हैं
वो शांख गिरा दो, मेरा वो सामान लौटा दो

एक अकेली छत्री में जब आधे आधे भीग रहे थे
आधे सूखे, आधे गिले, सुखा तो मैं ले आयी थी
गिला मन शायद, बिस्तर के पास पडा हो
वो भिजवा दो, मेरा वो सामान लौटा दो

एक सौ सोलह चाँद की रातें, एक तुम्हारे काँधे का तील
गीली मेहंदी की खुशबू, झूठमूठ के शिकवे कुछ
झूठमूठ के वादे भी, सब याद करा दो
सब भिजवा दो, मेरा वो सामन लौटा दो

एक इजाजत दे दो बस
जब इस को दफ़नाऊँगी
मैं भी वही सो जाऊँगी

From the Hindi movie Izazzat, directed by Gulzaar; the lyrics of this song are also (of course) by him.

Not surprisingly, I haven't seen this movie, and (very very surpisingly) never really heard this song. For me, that means I don't have the good fortune of enjoying its soulful solace by singing it to myself the way I have sung other songs, the way I still sing other songs (which I had heard when I could hear, which tunefully reside in me).

Since I have used words like "soulful" and "tunefully" maybe I need to also clarify that I am leagues away from being a musical virtuoso, but since I largely sing to an audience of two (my ears or my bemused parents) it doesn't really matter much.

Maybe it also doesn't matter that "Samaan" translates to "Baggage" in English; I won't lie to myself to say that I have dropped my baggage and yet, I have this quaint satisfaction (just for the record) of not letting the maudlin nature of my muse run riot.

And yes, I am not sleeping as of yet.        

    

And I will sing to myself again...

Do songs lie? Are they magic spells that make us superhuman (and very romantic / idealistic) heroes far removed from the mortal nature of our ears and fears? And what happens when the spell breaks and all that is left to hear is the silence?

I wouldn't know all that. What I do know is that for almost a year now, I have hummed this song (mostly to myself and the wide expanses that I range across -- birding and to the loneliness of the night) to something akin to distraction. And every time, I trip on a trance-like feeling, a euphoria of joy -- of a deep understanding of the meaning of every word, of an overall feeling of arrival.

In the continuum of my belief, I am still tripping.

That these are Gulzaar Saab's lines and so evocatively poetic probably add to their mystique and appeal to my inner ear. That I heard them and heeded to them, that I hear them and feel blessedly alive (again?) makes them true enough. And then again, how can Gulzaar Saab's lines lie?